i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
