yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
