Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
