oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Ketchup is God's man juice
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
