I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
