Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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