Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
