My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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