After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Never underestimate the power of titties
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
