Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
