And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
