she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
