dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
