i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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