how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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