ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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