had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
