i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
