I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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