It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Randomize
