I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
