i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
