it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
