my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
