do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
