As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
