i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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