turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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