She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
