I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
