im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
