I love black thongs
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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