WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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