Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
