just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
someone owes me an orgasm
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
