I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
