I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
