my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
