Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Pi�atas plus fireworks don't mix well
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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