and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Porn is love you can see.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
