She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
