Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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