he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Ketchup is God's man juice
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
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