CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
