Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
