I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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