My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
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