Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
