hell yes lets make some ravioli
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
