I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She even gives head with a lisp.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
